Jen's Writing

Promises

2012-01-01T10:25:00.000-08:00

A/N: Happy New Years Everyone! As my New Years gift to my readers, here is a new piece. Enjoy! ~ Jen

Promises

I swear to you,
I will be okay.
Just trust me,
Believe in me,
I will return,
In one piece.

I will stay sober,
But I always wonder,
Why should I try to stay sober,
When I am slowly dying?

I see your eyes brighten,
Every time we talk.
I feel my heart skip
When we kiss.

Everything will be fine,
I promise.
I love you.
I promise.

2011-09-30T14:28:00.000-07:00

Hello Blog Readers!

NEW POEM!!!!!! I enjoyed writing this for my loving boyfriend.

Thanks for reading!

Jen

My Heart

My heart has been happy,
Ever since we started dating.
My mind does not stop thinking about you.
You are always on my mind,
It does not matter what I am doing,
Some how some way,
You get into my mind.

I walk out into the garden,
I see the flowers,
I think of us,
Walking through the public gardens,
Together.

I sit in my room,
Doing homework,
I think of our late nights
Together on skype
I smile and blush.
Every day,
Some how,
Some way,
You find your way,
Into my mind.

Jonathan Nutter,
I am head over heals
In Love with you!
You are amazing.
You make me happy.
I hope everything I do,
Makes you happy as well.

From your loving girlfriend,

Jennifer Anne Straus

Written by: Jennifer Anne Straus
September 30, 2011

2011-09-23T14:04:00.000-07:00

Hello Blog Readers!

Sorry for the extra long update time. I just started school and I was out of the country for most the summer, but here is my new poem!

Thanks for reading!
Jen

The Sea of Love

The door closes,
Tears fall, Emotions take over,
The lovers embrace and kiss,
She is forced to part.

Slowly drifting through the seas,
Shots fired, soldiers wounded,
As she treats her patients,
A nurse is staring out into the deep
Wondering when she will see her love again.

He sits in a chair,
Next to the window where she once stood,
To look out over the exquisite ocean view,
Only to find his mind wondering,
When he will see her again.

She is treating the wounded and injured,
While thinking about him.
She looks out to the sea,
Just to see an image of Him sitting by the window,
Wondering when he will see her again.

A few months later,
He raises from the chair,
To answer the door,
There she is,
Home from sea

With a harsh, happy look on her face,
She runs into his arms,
To join him in an embrace,
She sees the joy in his eyes and kisses him.
Just as she did before she left for sea.

Written by: Jennifer Anne Straus
September 23, 2011

Author's Note: The inspiration for this poem comes from a personal experience. I was told about a story of a nurse in a war who had to leave her family to serve her country. She was stationed on a boat to serve as a nurse to help the wounded and injured. As I kept this story in mind, I decided to finally write something about it because the story actually stuck with me for the remainder of high school. Mr. Oldani, the teacher who introduced the story to me, is a great teacher, even though he is retired now. I hope you enjoyed the poem. Feel free to comment.

The Grapes of Wrath In-Class Essay

2011-02-08T18:36:00.000-08:00

Migrant workers have been stopping at many cafés along route 66 because of their journey west to California. Thus introducing a new breed of customer, so to speak, compared to the normal truck drivers and tourists at these cafés. One of these cafés has two workers named Mae, the waitress, and Al, the cook. Mae and Al are greedy and money loving Americans who only think about themselves. They are the Americans that only think about how much money they can make in their current situation. Americans think of money as an ideal because money is something that they must have to survive and keep everything in their life running. In The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck, Mae and Al only help those who are less fortunate than their other customers for their own profit.
During the period that this book is set, there are many economical hardships going on. There is the Great Depression, the Dust Bowl, and a huge amount of “oakies” moving to California looking for jobs. In desperate times there are desperate measures that need to be taken including risking one’s family to go get work even if that means traveling across the whole country. Well, each problem has causes and these problems causes are well said in The Grapes of Wrath, “The causes lie deep and simply—the causes are a hunger in a stomach, multiplied a million times; a hunger in a single soul, hunger for joy and work, to create, multiplied a million times” (150). This is a struggle for everyone.
This struggle is affecting a mass amount of people. This is not a small problem; this is a national problem. This struggle is making people depend on themselves instead of depending on each other for the help and support that they need from each other, “One man, one family driven from the land; this rusty car creaking along the highway to the west” (151). This quote is basically explaining how people are alone in this and on their own. The Dust Bowl caused a lot of stress on the farmers and people causing them to move away from their farms and when they did go outside they had to take desperate measures, “Men and women huddled in their houses, and they tied handkerchiefs over their noses when they went out, and wore goggles to protect their eyes” (3).
Throughout the book, there are people who take advantage of them, not in a good way either. Some people might claim that when people are in a financial dip, they will go any distance to get their money even if it is taking advantage of people who need to get money or whatever it is more than the person who is giving them the money or selling them something to help them along the way. For example, the car salesmen said “’Take out that yard battery before you make delivery. Put in that dumb cell” (62). The car salesmen purposefully gave a bad battery after the people went to check the car out. They were ripping people off to the extreme. Since most people were buying cars to get to California or else where in the west and people knew that, the people like the car salesmen wanted to take advantage of the fact that their product was in high demand and sell them with a bad battery or something else wrong with it. Another example would be the pawnbrokers. A family moving west needs to get rid of most of their personal belongings because they cannot carry much in their cars since they did not have
Hummers and other huge SUVs back then. The pawnbrokers would give them an amount that was far less than what the family paid for it. For example, “That seeder cost 38 dollars. 2 dollars is not enough” (86) the family paid 38 dollars for this seeder that they are trying to sell to this pawnbroker, but the pawnbroker will only give them two dollars for it. There are neighbors turning on each other and their friends. An example of this would be “’Nearly 100 people on the road for your 3 dollars. Where will we go?’” (37). Neighbors, pawnbrokers, and car salesmen all taking advantage of these people who are just trying to get out of there and go to California.
On the road, the families need to stop at cafés for food. Mae and Al, workers at one of the many cafés, purposefully make a huge scene about the loaf of bread to get attention. Instead of just saying, “No we cannot do that, sorry.” Mae goes of for a while about how she will not sell the bread for ten cents, usually the bread would cost fifteen cents, but the father offers to buy ten cents worth of the loaf, so he would not be ripping the people off, yet Mae still refuses and goes on about how they could buy other things on the menu that have bread included like sandwiches. After she is supposedly nice to the boys and gives them candy and the bread at a discounted rate, she calls them “shitheels” behind their back. Al, on the other hand, tracks the slot machine, figures out when it will pay off, and goes to win the money when he knew it was about to pay off. These people, Mae and Al, are rude, greedy, and con artists who want money and that is all they care about.
During these challenging times, people are forced to take car of themselves and their family. When resources are slim, there is a struggle to have control over those
resources. Sadly, these times can bring out the worst in humanity. These factors contribute to the hardships that the migrant workers had to face with the car salesmen, pawnbrokers, their neighbors turning on them, the Dust bowl, the Great Depression, Mae and Al, and everything else that happened in this period of time. The example of Al and Mae manipulating others for their own personal gain of money highlights all of these factors.
Work Cited
Steinbeck, John. The Grapes of Wrath. New York: Penguin Books, 2006. Print.

Author's Update #2

2011-01-24T17:39:00.001-08:00

Hey Everyone.

Sorry for the long delay in updates. I have been busy with school and being out of town. I am working on new pieces to post. Some new poetry and some new FanFiction pieces. It is going to be coming soon I promise!

So stuff that has been going on in my life include dances, spirit committee at school, and some family vacations. Lots of homework though.

I am going to be posting those new pieces soon.

JenJen

Author's Update

2010-04-22T12:03:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone!

I have decided to do what I call an author's update every week on Thursdays to update my readers on what I am doing and how everything is going.
Right now I am in the middle of a major writer's block and I have a big event coming up in my life. I have Prom coming up. I am going to Prom with my loving boyfriend, David. He is such an amazing guy. I cannot go one day without thinking about his smiling face. May 1st is the big day.
The weather in Portland has been partly cloudy and some specks of sun here and there, but the weather does not change how much I update by blog unless it is really sunny out.
If you haven't noticed, I do not update on the weekends that much. i can explain right now why that is. One reason is because I go out to visit Iggy, a horse I ride. He is such a sweetheart. He is the best horse ever.
Another thing that comes to mind that my readers should know is that when I post song lyrics on here they are normally not by me, unless noted. I do not want to be charged with copyright infringement. That would not be fun.

Speaking of song lyrics, I am going to post lyrics to a song that seriously moves me because it is true and the song is such a delight for me to hear. :)

Song title: If I Never Knew You
From: Pocahontas

-Smith-
If I never knew you
If I never felt this love
I would have no inkling of
How precious life can be

And if I never held you
I would never have a clue
How at last I'd find in you
The missing part of me

In this world so full of fear
Full of rage and lies
I can see the truth so clear
In your eyes
So dry your eyes

And I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

-Pocahontas-
I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we made the whole world bright

I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong
All they'd leave us where these whispers in the night
But still my heart is singing
We were right

-Pocahontas- (Smith)
If I never knew you (There's no moment I regret)
If I never knew this love (Since the moment that we met)
I would have no inkling of (If our time has gone too fast)
How precious life can be (I've lived at last...)

-Smith-
And I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Empty as the sky

-Pocahontas-
Never knowing why

-Both-
Lost forever
If I never knew you

(From Disney's Pocahontas)

This song moves me because i realized how much I actually love this song and how much I really love my boyfriend, David.

See everyone later!

Jennifer

For You

2010-04-20T12:23:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking of words to say,
I'd like to think this was fate.
Reference to a song you love,
Spell confusion with a single "K"
Like a star without its strings,
I'm hanging here on these two wings.

If time could stop, how could I make this more poetic?
When there's nothing more pathetic to be said
You bring me out, show me the light,
I'm sorry if I hide, I'm too afraid to look inside.
You cary truth, and make me smile.
If it were you and me tonight,
I would tame the stars and save the brightest one for you,
For you...

If you ever had the chance,
Would you make your life seem right?
Or would you only hold it back,
The good times, the hard, and the bad.
Whatever you say is alright,
Just as long as there's no doubt.
Could you look at me in the eye
and say hopes died?

If time could stop, how could I make this more poetic?
When there's nothing more pathetic to be said
You bring me out, show me the light,
I'm sorry if I hide, I'm too afraid to look inside.
You carry truth, and make me smile.
If it were you and me tonight,
I would tame the stars and save the brightest one for you.

You bring me out; show me the light,
I'm sorry if I hide, I'm too afraid to look inside.
You carry truth, and make me smile,
If it were you and me tonight,
I would tame the stars and save the brightest one for you.

You bring me out, show me the light,
I'm sorry if I hide, I'm too afraid to look inside
You carry truth, and make me smile.
If it were you and me tonight,
I would tame the stars and save the brightest one for you,
For you.

Author's Note: This poem was written for my boyfriend, David. He is all I can think about now and I love him more than anyone else in my life. I wrote this for him and I hope he has the chance to look it over. This is also a first draft so If you see any issues with grammar or spelling please tell me!

For My Love

2010-04-02T23:06:00.001-07:00

Hay un lugar especial en mi corazòn
Que solo tu puedes tocar,
Un lugar donde puedo ir y te siento cerca.
Durante el dia pienso en ti.
Miro tu sonrisa, oigo tu voz
Y en mis pensamientos apareces amorosamente.
La manera en que nos amamos uno a otro
Hace mas dificil estar separados
Por eso aunque no te puedo tener en mis brazos
Yo te tengo en mi corazòn.
- J. Straus

I Will Be There (Unedited)

2009-11-29T06:40:00.001-08:00

Author's Note: This next piece is for two of my best friends that were mentioned in my last piece that was posted. I just recently wrote this and decided during my writing that it seemed too personal to be a general piece. So I decided to make it to my friends since they were my inspiration for the piece. This piece is in more of a poem style because it made more sense to me to put it in that style. If anyone has any other ideas on what style it could be in, please comment on the piece.
For: Betty Tobin and Kyle Lambert
Remember...
Both of you have to remember one thing,
I will be there for you whenever you need me.
Want to know why?
Well, here is your answer:
Remember last school year,
my freshman year?
That year was the worst year of my entire life.
Guess who was there for me?
Yeah, you are right.
Both of you were there for me.
When no one else was there,
Both of you were there.
Now, it is my turn to help.
Whenever either of you need help or assistance,
I will do my best to help or assist you.
Even if it is in the middle of the night on a school night,
I will stay up as late as I need to in order to help.
I say this because both of you did this for me when I needed it.
You two helped me during the worst year of my life.
The least I can do is help you two out in anyway I possibly can.
I will go to the deepest depths,
of the deepest body of water,
Just to help you two.
I will go farther than the minimum distance for both of you.
You are the two people,
That I have learned to trust.
I cannot risk losing both of you,
Or even one of you.
Two true friends is always better than one.
That is what I go by.
So all I have left to say is this:
Please, if you need anything,
Even if it is one in the morning,
Give me a call, text message, IM, or anything
And I will be there for you to help.
All I need is to know what is happening.
And I will be there.
Just to
Help...
Assist...
Trust...
And...
Care.
-JenJen
Author´s Note: I hope you enjoyed this poem. It took me a while to figure out the ending of it, but I got it down. Most people can get confused about emotional poems and pieces of writing, so if there are any questions, comments, etc just comment below. Also, a small side note, I will be leaving for home from Amsterdam tomorrow morning and I will be able to scan and post the artwork for the last piece Inspire Me, Grandfather when I get home. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving. I will update again soon, hopefully...

Inspire Me, Grandfather (Unedited)

2009-11-26T03:44:00.000-08:00

Author's Note: The following piece is titled "Inspire Me, Grandfather". This piece is in honor of my Grandfather on my Mother's side who passed on a few years ago. I honestly did not realize how much his death effected me until I was asked this question, "Who or what inspires you to play music and write these arrangements?" After someone asked me that I realized it was my Grandfather who was inspiring me this whole time. I wrote this piece on an airplane to Egypt recently. Also small warning, there are some pretty upsetting parts in this piece dealing with death. If you cry, don't worry because I cried when I was writing it, but please enjoy this piece of writing.
- JenJen

Inspire Me, Grandfather
For: My Dearest Grandfather. May he rest in peace.

As a younger sibling, I always had someone to look up to. I had my older sister, mother, father, and many other people that I have looked up to in the past, yet one of my family members stood out to me more than any other family member. My mother's father, my Grandfather, stood out to me the most because of what my Grandmother and Mother had told me about his musical past. He played stand-up bass and a piano (keyboard) in a jazz group and was quite good at playing both of them. He had an over the top amount of musical talent.

After a few years of my mother and grandmother telling me stories about his musical past, I was taken in by the beautiful sounds that a piano could make. I had started piano lessons, but I thought that wasn't enough. I soon discovered my singing voice and how i could sing and play the piano at the same time. I was so into my music that as I grew older, I never wanted to stop playing the piano and singing. Sooner or later I would stop, but my mother, father, sister, or a combination of the three would have to force me to stop. I thought it was the best thing in the whole wide world.

Once I got into fifth grade, I realized the evils of homework. Even though homework is very fun at times, I could almost never find time for my music. I felt as if I had let my Grandfather down, but I knew, because of my sister, mother, and father, that grades were important. I practiced as much as I could while keeping my grades acceptable.

A few years later, my Grandfather had passed away I felt my heart sink into the deepest part of my body. It felt like I was sinking into a never-ending, black hole of darkness. I honestly thought I would never be able to come out, but I slowly, but surely, learned to shield my emotions from others. This was very useful when I had to return to school.

After my Grandfather's death, music became far more important to me. I thought of music as a way to keep him close to my heart, mind, and body. I also found out that writing about my feelings really helped me cope with my emotions. I started writing about emotions and my feelings in my school essays, papers, stories, etc., yet I would put the emotions and feelings in another character, not myself. Later, I learned that talking to people and telling them what is actually wrong helped me cope as well. I started writing all the stories in first person instead of putting the emotions into another character. This helped me learn that expressing myself wasn't a bad thing, it was a good thing.

Once I got into high school, I learned after a month or so that trusting people was a very hard thing for me to do since my Grandfather's passing. I met one of my best friends during my freshman year. Her name is Betty Tobin. She showed me how much it actually took to gain someone's trust. After meeting her and realizing how bad my trust issue was, she introduced me to her boyfriend at the time. His name is Kyle Lambert. He helped me feel secure and safe. The most important thing, and probably most useful thing, he has done to help me is how he made me feel like I could trust him with anything and everything without him judging me or making me feel uncomfortable. Once I had realized this, I had started opening up to him and Betty about things that I normally would not let even my closest friends and family know about me.

As my freshman year went on, I felt a cloud of emotions starting to form in the last few days of the first trimester. I ignored the emotions and continued with my classes and life at home. Near the end of our Robotics build season, I could not hold my emotions in any longer. I broke down during lunch the Friday before our Spring Break. I was so happy that my good friend, Ilana, along with Betty were there to help and comfort me until I was through my break down.

Later that night, I broke down again when I was in my room doing my homework. I signed on to my AOL Instant Messager and started talking to Betty and Kyle who helped me through the situation. I never actually told them the exact reason for my random, emotional break downs, yet they were still there for me when I needed them. Little did they know that the emotional break downs were caused by emotions that were piled on top of many different things that had gone wrong in my past, mostly my Grandfather's death.

After my break downs, I put my musical skills to the test. I wrote a piece, by myself, called Bring Me Back. I realized it expressed all of my feelings at the time very well and I had used my musical talent to the real test. I wrote out sheet music for it and played it when no one was around since I personally thought that it was not good.

Later in my schooling, in tenth grade, I put together a medley of two very special songs to me. This medley was made up of My Heart Will Go On, from the major motion picture Titanic, and A Whole New World, from Walt Disney's Aladdin. When I was arranging the medley, I thought of how proud my Grandfather would of been if he was there to hear me perform it at my high school's Open Mic Night. I soon decided that he was my inspiration for every single thing that I did that had to do with music from learning to sing to learning to play the flute, piano, and stand-up bass. He is and always will be my musical inspiring Grandfather. I will always love him for being there even if he is not here anymore since I will always know that he will be with me in my heart forever.

For: My Grandfather Heath
May he rest in peace forever more.

Author's Note: I promise this one will be quick. I just wanted to let you know that I will post, when I get back in the country, a picture that goes along with this piece of writing on my DeviantART account. I will update this post with the link to the picture. Hope you enjoyed it!
- JenJen

Side Note To Readers

2009-11-01T19:05:00.001-08:00

Hi Everyone,
Sorry for all the posts in one day. I have been too busy to keep up with the blog recently. Enjoy the poems!
JenJen

The Young Soul

2009-11-01T19:04:00.000-08:00

For the first time in my dismal life
I feel love flow in my heart
the same heart once thought cold and lifeless
fills with glorious joy and happiness
because of a young soul
whose spirit is full of passion
her eyes that shine like sapphire stars
filled with warmth and beauty
a smile that brings happiness to my sad existence
I have never known love until now
because of the way she touched my heart
took hold of my depressed soul
and showed me the beauty of life's wonders
everything that I thought impossible
all seems to be within my grasp
I see everything in a new light
because of something I thought unworthy to feel
to feel love's tender kiss
and I bask in its beauty so
because of the feelings of a young soul
whom I would love now and 'til
my heart beats its final note to life's great song.

Trust Me, Darling, With All Your Heart

2009-11-01T19:00:00.001-08:00

Why does your heart grow doubtful dear?
Tense and beating, full of fear.
I keep with me your everlasting love,
and bless the day God sent you from above.

You remain my angel and I feel that I must,
tell you that within you, you have my trust.
My love is the tide, your soul is the shores,
you have my heart, do I have yours?

I'll belong to you till the very end,
and you will forever stay as my lover and friend.
It has been so good like this from the start,
so darling please, trust me with your heart.

The Speech That Changed My Life

2009-09-02T01:36:00.001-07:00

"Jen, before I met you, I had no idea what love and commitment was really about. All I knew was about doing what was expected of me, without knowing if that was what I wanted or not. As the years went by, with you by my side, I learned so much. You made me want things, you gave me reasons to hope for the best, to make decisions not only based on what I thought was right, but also on what I felt in my heart were the right ones, even if my reasonable mind disagreed. Because not everything is as defined as black and white, good or bad.

You taught me about the gray, because your whole life has always been in shades of gray. That can come very handy at times, because you can stop seen so much black, you get to see reasons in peoples bad behaviors, and your heart reaches a little out to them; takes a lot of the hate out off your heart. But, you also stop seen the bright whites. It makes it harder to love fully and entirely, to allow yourself to trust openly, to give your entire life for anyone.

I love you, Jennifer Anne Straus. All these years by your side have taught me that no matter what happens between us, that fact will never change. You will always be my brightest white. As bad as things might get at time, we always come back to each other. So please, let me love you this way forever. Please, allow yourself to take my black and white into your life. Trust that I will make them worthwhile. Please love me back, fully and entirely. Please give me your life as I’m giving you mine. Jennifer Anne Straus, you are all I live for."

Sweetheart I will love you until my dying day. <3

Spanish Story

2009-09-01T22:29:00.001-07:00

This is not about a real threat. This is just a harmless assignment. None of the following story is true. Originally written in Spanish.
Original:
Un día en una clase de español que enseñaba en el tiempo, me sorprendió por un hecho sorprendente que ha tenido lugar ... Me estaba enseñando una lección de revisión en conjugaciones de los verbos en tiempo pretérito. Yo estaba en el centro de explicar cómo el tiempo pretérito se usa cuando alguien está hablando de un tiempo en el pasado que pasó y tuvo un principio específico y el punto final. Entonces, fuera de ningún donde uno de mis estudiantes, de nombre Ben, sacó una pistola semiautomática de calibre treinta y dos y los brotes de otro estudiante, llamado Alex, en el hombro derecho. Abigail, otra de mis estudiantes, a la derecha se desmayó cuando el arma disparó. Después de Taylor reliezed lo que Ben le había hecho a su amigo Alex, gritó de terror. Pude ver la sensación de choque en los ojos. Yo estaba allí con un estudiante armado y dos estudiantes heridos en mi salón de clase. Decidí intentar tomar el control de la situación, siendo el maestro y el adulto responsable que soy. En primer lugar, he intentado razonar con Ben, tratando de conseguir que baje el arma y tratando de averiguar por qué le disparó a Alex, para empezar. Puesto que no parece querer responder a mis preguntas, he intentado calmar la técnica. La técnica es calma cuando intenta recordar a la persona de algunos momentos felices en vez de alterar los tiempos que está haciendo la persona reacciona de la manera que él o ella. Eso no funcionó bien. Así que decidió señalar el arma. Me tomó una acción inmediata. Abordé Ben y entonces le dijo al resto de la clase que no resultó herido de salir de la habitación y conseguir ayuda. Uno de mis estudiantes, Taylor, gritó "¡Socorro! por el pasillo con muchas clases pasando y mucha gente a escucharla. Desde su voz viaja tan bien en la escuela, muchos de los funcionarios se le acercó y le preguntó qué le pasaba, le explicó la situación de entonces el personal llamó al 911 para tener la situación bajo control. Después de eso, Ben fue arrestado e interrogado. En ese momento en el tiempo, pensé que esto era lo correcto, pero ahora me doy cuenta de que tengo que reaccionar de forma más natural de hacer frente a las personas ya que podría de recibido demandada por sus padres si rompía cualquiera de sus huesos o nada en su cuerpo a pesar de que siempre podía decir la verdad y decir que fue defensa propia.

Translation to English (By: J. Straus):
One day in a Spanish Class I was teaching at the time, I was shocked by a surprising event that had taken place... I was teaching a review lesson on verb conjugations in the preterite tense. I was in the middle of explaining how the preterite tense is used when someone is speaking about a time in the past that happened and it had a specific beginning and ending point. Then out of no where one of my students, named Ben, pulled out a thirty two caliber semiautomatic shotgun and shoots another student, named Alex, in the right shoulder. Abigail, another student of mine, fainted right as the gun fired. After Taylor reliezed what Ben had done to her friend Alex, she screamed with terror. I could see the sense of shock in her eyes. I was standing there with an armed student and two injured students in my classroom. I decided to try to take control of the situation, being the teacher and the responsible adult I am. First, I tried reasoning with Ben, trying to get him to put the gun down and trying to figure out why he shot Alex to begin with. Since he didn't seem to want to respond to my questioning, I tried the calming technique. The calming technique is when you try to remind the person of some happy times instead of the upsetting times that is making the person react the way he or she did. That didn't work either. So he decided to point the gun at me. I took immediate action. I tackled Ben and then told the rest of the class who wasn't injured to get out of the room and get help. One of my students, Taylor, screamed "HELP!" down the hallway with many classes going on and many people to hear her. Since her voice travels so well in the school, a lot of the staff came over to her and asked her what was wrong, she explained the situation then the staff called 911 to get the situation under control. After that, Ben got arrested and questioned. At that moment in time, I thought this was the right thing to do, but now I realize that I need to react more natural than tackling people since I could of gotten sued by his parents if I broke any of his bones or anything in his body even though I could always tell the truth and say it was self defense.

Hope you enjoyed my story.
Good job if you can read the Spanish version!
- Jen

The Ultimate Loss

2009-08-16T22:09:00.000-07:00

Keep My heart next to yours,
Keep my hand in your hand,
Keep our souls combined,
Don't let us fall apart,
Please don't take him away,
I know I will not survive,
He is the one I live for,
Lord, please, I am begging you, bring him back to me,
He is all I had left,
He help me together,
He made me feel more like a person,
I cannot tell you how much I cared for him, Lord, because there are no words to describe it.
He was the one who taught me who you were,
He taught me the knowledge of you, Lord.
He saved me like how you risked your life and died on the cross for me.
Brandon Moor showed me the light to you my Lord.
He was and always will be stuck in my inner soul and my heart.
Since he stole my heart when he was here,
He brought it up to Heaven with you, my Lord.

Rest In Peace Brandon Moor
- J. Straus

My English Final Essay

2009-06-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

For my English Final, I wrote an essay and I thought it was okay writing so I decided to post it.
The topic is our Essential Questions: Why does communication matter? How do we decide what we communicate to others and express ourselves?

When I think of an English class, I think of a bunch of grammar lessons, reading, getting put on the spot to answer questions about the topic that we are talking about in the class discussion, making speeches, and more; but when I got the chance to be in one of the best English classes in 8th grade with Mr. Mandis, I was able to show off my ability of understanding the world of Grammar.
In 8th grade, we started the year by reviewing grammar and the world of writing. We were taught about Subordinate Clauses, Independent Clauses, Adjective Clauses, Prepositional Phrases, and more; but that is not what I needed help on. The one thing I needed help on the most in 8th grade was my confidence in my writing. I always thought that someone was going to criticize my writing and tell me that it wasn’t good enough and to do more. Of course, I was wrong. I had taken many writing courses, but I still thought that my writing wasn’t good enough for a High School class. My teacher at the time, Mr. Mandis, thought that I had a talent in writing, yet he did not think I was only good at writing essays and other prose, but also he thought my poetry had a great future.
The next year in 9th grade, I met Mr. Oldani and Ms. Dalton for my English 9 and Global Studies classes. I was encouraged to explain my thinking on many occasions. One of them in the third trimester was in a poetry scrapbook assignment. I thought that this was my chance to let all of my poetry skills work their magic, so I spent my time during class writing and organizing my poems so that they fit into pictures and formats of my choice. I also figured out during the third trimester that I am a Kinesthetic Learner. For people who do not know what a Kinesthetic Learner is, according to The American Heritage College Dictionary the definition of Kinesthesia, which is the noun form of Kinesthetic, is “The sense that detects bodily position, weight, or movement of the muscles, tendons, and joints.” (Pope, Schonthal, and Tamm 763-64) So a Kinesthetic Learner is a person who learns by sensing the position, weight, or movement of an object that he or she can touch, pick up, or move. I am a mixture between a Kinesthetic Learner and a Visual Learner. So I learn by touching, picking up, moving, or seeing something. For me, it is harder to just sit down and read a text without having a visual in the text. So I read a lot of graphic novels, books with pictures, and things that can make an image pop into my head for example the book Romeo and Juliet by the one and only William Shakespeare. His work really makes me think about what is happening. It really helped when Ms. Dalton said that we were going to be watching the movie while reading the book.
I found out that the best way to keep myself on track in a class is by having the teacher base the class around something we call an E.Q. An E.Q. Is an essential question. Normally there is more than one E.Q, but the essential questions work together like a well written poem. For English 9 trimester three, we had two essential questions they were “Why does communication matter? How do we decide what we communicate to others and how to express ourselves?” An essential question is explained to us at the beginning of the trimester and we figure out ways to answer it in our final.
During the trimester, I found many ways to answer the EQ. One of the ways that I thought of was writing a book about it, another way was writing an essay about it, but the essay would start out with a little background about me before entering the EQ. For my final, I chose to write the essay so I could show Mr. Oldani and Ms. Dalton some of my, what I call, mediocre writing, but what they might call some of my good writing. I define mediocre writing as a piece of writing that could be improved, but is still a good enough quality to be used as a piece in a class. I, personally, never had to write what I call a bad piece. A bad piece does not exist in my mind. “Every piece of art and/or writing is good in one way or another, but other pieces may be better” (Mandis) is the rule I go by. The person that told me that was my 8th grade English teacher, Mr. Mandis. He has had a lot of influence on my life and my writing. If Mr. Mandis did not tell me that, I probably would be the shielded teenager that doesn’t share his or her ideas with anyone. The teenager that has a major trust issue. The teenager that won’t open up to anyone about anything because they are scared about what others might think of him or her. This is one of the reasons why I find communication important.
One of the other reasons I find communication important is because without it the world would be in a worse state than it is today. Without communication, I couldn’t get my ideas across in writing, text messages, emails, or even in a conversation. In my mind, without communication the world would go into a deep depression that was never ending since no one would be able to say “May I have some food sir? I am homeless and I do not have anything to eat tonight.” or the president couldn’t say “Yes we can” or my mother couldn’t say “Go do your homework then go to bed!” Without communication, people in the world couldn’t get ideas out and solve the problems that are in the world today. You know the war in Iraq that technically has been going on since the early 1990’s or so, but just recently became a bigger issue than it needs to be? Well, without communication I am guessing that the war that we are in right now in Iraq wouldn’t be close to resolving itself and it probably would have turned into World War Three, which is something that would of crashed the economy of many countries like the United States of America. Our economy would probably be one hundred times worse than it is now. Honestly, it could be lot worse than it is now. Just think about it for a second, what would happen if your parents didn’t raise you in a home in the neighborhood you grew up in? Would you still be here if your parents didn’t tell you not to drink and drive or do drugs? What would happen if your parents just did not communicate to you your moral and ethical values that you probably value today? Would you still be here working or going to school where you are now? What would happen if the president didn’t talk to congress, the house of representatives, or the senate about passing bills and just let the people take control? Do you see how communication matters in this world? If you don’t, then you really need to get a serious reality check. The people of this world that we live in today rely on communication either by electronics or in person to communicate their ideas about whatever they need to get across. People in this world rely on that cellular phone to call their boss when they are sick or when they need to call their teenager to say that they need to take the bus home since they have a meeting. The role of communication in the United States and everywhere else in the world is way over my head. It is the most important tool that someone can have. Wait a minute, let’s back up for a second so I can explain what the tools of life are.
The tools of life, in my mind, are the following things:
A way to communicate your ideas across to other people (Example: A Cellular Phone or Computer)
A way to be educated (Example: Home Schooling or a Tutor)
A way to have a steady income (Example: Being a Teacher or a Doctor)
A place to go to that you know is safe (Example: A Homeless Shelter or A Dorm at a College or University)
A way to prepare a meal (Example: Hunting or Going to a Restaurant)
Access to Clean Water (Example: A Water Bottle From A Store or A Water Fountain In A School or Other Building)
A place to practice your religion freely (Example: A Church or A Temple)
A country that makes you feel safe and secure (Example: The United States or Canada)
The reason all of these are important is because the way someone feels about where they are and the way that the person receives the things that someone needs in order to live. Anyway, back to my Essential Questions.
I have found many ways to relate the tools of life to books and things we read in class that we are supposed to relate to our essential questions. I have found many of the tools of life in the following books:
Hole In My Life
Romeo and Juliet
Speak
Lord of the Flies
I found out that when I find most of the tools of life in books, I could relate the book to our essential questions. For example, in Romeo and Juliet the miscommunication caused a big break down between the two lovers and in the end caused them both to commit suicide all because of a giant miscommunication of Friar John not telling Romeo about Juliet’s fake death. Another example of the second essential question, How do we decide what we communicate to others and how to express ourselves, is in the book Speak. The main character Melinda shuts everything out of her life and doesn’t communicate with the outside world all because of the accident at the party. Also in Lord of the Flies when the main characters, Jack and Ralph, have different views on how they should run the island and they cannot find out a peaceful way to use both of their views and end up in a big fight. In this case, even lives were taken because of the collision of views. It is just like when two, or more, countries are fighting for some reason and they just end up in endless warfare and arguments.
The way we decide on how to communicate the idea depends on the situation that the person is in. It can go from writing a formal letter to just standing up and speaking his or her mind. For example; if someone is trying to harm something like an animal and you feel like the person shouldn’t treat the animal that way, you might stand up for the animal and say “Stop!” or something along those lines, but if you are addressing the president of the United States of America you might speak a little more formally and not address the president by his first name since it is just more polite and formal to address someone who is more than your friend in a more formal fashion. For example, I call my teachers at school by his or her last name like Ms. Dalton instead of saying “Hey what’s going down, Nicole!?” The way we communicate depends on the situation and how you value the person, in my mind at least. Most people wouldn’t go up to the president and say “What’s going down Barrack?” They probably would be more respectful and say “How are you doing President Obama?” or something of that nature. I do not know one person who would disrespect the president of the United States or someone of higher power to them. Another example of addressing people properly is in the old English parliament. People would be addressed by his or her social status in the parliament. For example, in the kingdom of Æfira, created by a group of students at Riverdale High School, we address everyone by his or her proper title like The Countess of Ranell, Lord Advocate, Police Commissioner Ms. Ilana Walder-Biesanz or as most people at Riverdale High School know her as Ilana Walder-Biesanz, Senior Class of 2009.
In my mind, every person in the world should have the following:
A Title that they should be addressed by instead of someone saying “Hey You!” (Example: In the kingdom of Æfira, created by a group of students at Riverdale High School, we address everyone by his or her proper title like The Countess of Ranell, Lord Advocate, Police Commissioner Ms. Ilana Walder-Biesanz or as most people at Riverdale High School know her as Ilana Walder-Biesanz, Senior Class of 2009.)
At least one way that they feel comfortable with communicating with other people (Example: Someone being more comfortable with communicating by email instead of in person)
A way that they feel comfortable addressing others (Example: Addressing people by his or her last name)
At least one situation that they know that they can communicate through the problem or issue (Example: If someone was beating another kid up the person could speak up and say that the other person shouldn’t do that)
The tools of life that were mentioned earlier in this essay (Page 2 near the bottom of the page)
The basic needs of life which are Food, Water, and Shelter and at least one luxury thing in their life (Example: Food, Water, Shelter, and an Aston Martin V12 Vintage sports car.)
Even though I know that not everyone can afford in this economy an Aston Martin V12 Vintage sports car, and even some people cannot afford the basic needs in life, I have a feeling that sometime in the future, even if it is not in the next few years, the whole world will be in peace and harmony and will work together to make sure that everyone will have a place to live, something to eat for every meal, and something to drink when they need it. I do not think that everyone will have a luxury item like a sports car or a beach house or a giant house with a twenty three car showroom, marble entry way, three car garage, sea plane dock on a river, helicopter landing spot, and other details, but that does not mean that the person cannot live a life of happiness and joy, it just means that they have less money than the person who owns a house like that. What someone has in their possession does not make the person, what makes a person is what they act like, his or her personality, how they react to things, and many other things in life. I’ve learned through many Essential Questions that I need to open up to people, be more respectful to people, and try to show emotions to the world of my friends instead of hiding them. In conclusion, I have learned many things throughout the year in English 9 and I hope to continue learning more in the future, but the one thing that I think that will stick with me is the first time that I thought that I had successfully answered an Essential Question in a class. That moment made me so happy. It felt like the class all of a sudden made sense and everything was coming together like a puzzle that a first grader and their older sister or brother are putting together. It is the feeling of success and the feeling of achieving something in my Freshmen Year of high school at Riverdale High School.

Favorite Song

2009-05-21T22:27:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,
I know I haven't posted in a while, but I decided to post some lyrics in this post from my favorite song. The song is called Brave and it is by Idina Menzel.
Thanks so much for reading!
Jen

Don't know just where I'm going
And tomorrow, it's a little overwhelming
And the air is cold
And I'm not the same anymore
I've been running in your direction
For to long now
I've lost my own reflection
And I can't look down
If you're not there to catch me when I fall.

If this is the moment I stand here on my own
If this is my rite of passage that somehow leads me home
I might be afraid
But it's my turn to be brave
If this is the last chance before we say goodbye
At least it's the first day of the rest of my life
I can't be afraid
Cause it's my turn to be brave

All along all I ever wanted, was to be the light
When your life was daunting
But I can't see mine
When I feel as though you're pushing me away
Well who's to blame, are we making the right choices
Cause we can't be sure if we're hearing our own voices
As we close the door even though we are so desperate to stay

If this is the moment I stand here on my own
If this is my rite of passage that somehow leads me home
I might be afraid
But it's my turn to be brave
If this is the last chance before we say goodbye
At least it's the first day of the rest of my life
I can't be afraid
Cause it's my turn to be brave

And I might still cry
And I might still bleed
These thorns in my side
This heart on my sleeve
And lightening may strike
This ground at my feet
And I might still crash
But I still believe

This is the moment I stand here all alone
With everything I have inside, everything I own
I might be afraid
But it's my turn to be brave
If this is the last time before we say goodbye
At least it's the first day of the rest of my life
I can't be afraid
Cause it's my turn to be brave

Life Without Him Book 1: The Accident

2009-05-05T23:24:00.001-07:00

Sorry I haven't updated. Been busy.
Enjoy this piece I wrote for my english class:
Life Without Him
Book 1: The Accident
Chapter One: Contradicting Myself
Does love actually equal death wish or does it actually help me in life? I cannot decide what I want. It really confuses me… Sometimes I wish he loved me back as I do him… I wish my parents would understand how I feel for him… Yet they will never understand how I feel for him…. I… I… really… love… him. I cannot think straight without him near… Every single second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year, or any amount of time that we are not talking is like a living hell hole for me… Like hell has been let loose on my soul. Without him, my heart just starts sinking like a ship trying to sail with a hole in the bottom of it. I wish with all my heart and soul that people would just understand our love. Without you, life is not worth living. So if you go down, I will go down right there next to you to convince you that everything would have been alright if you would have stayed alive. I am truly, madly, deeply in love with you. Whatever you do, please don’t leave me. I cannot imagine what life would be like if we never met… My life would have been complete years ago if I never knew you. You are my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Okay… If this is how it is… Then… I must come after you. I am coming for you.
Chapter Two: Coming After Him
It has been a month since his accident… I don’t know if I can go on much longer, he was all I had in life. Would it be right to go after him and try to convince him to use his power to bring us both back? I actually think I might use the knife to go after him… I let one of my loved ones go and my life was dependent on him staying alive and well…. Is it going to be the right choice? Would anyone actually care if I did it? So many times I try to talk myself out of it, but that is just wasting time that no one has to waste. I am going to do it. It will be the right choice. I will get him back… In the afterlife.
Chapter Three: After it Happened…
I cannot believe I actually had the guts to do it. I took that knife from the kitchen and stabbed it right into my heart. It only hurt for second, but then I felt like I was about to return to him. It was the greatest feeling I have ever felt. It was a feeling of happiness, rejoice, and relief. I just have to find out how to activate his power in the afterlife, and then we can live together once again in our home in our joyful town of Cannon Beach.
Chapter Four: Finding His Power
I have been in the afterlife for a week now. We are still working on activating his power, but I believe that if we make him eat the feet of a Kiwi Bird then he will gain his powers back. This is just a theory though. I lost my powers since I used them to heal him when he was wounded and I couldn’t control them anymore. I must find this Kiwi Bird and cut one of the feet off of it to feed it to my wonderful husband. It seems that I am just a love-struck idiot who killed herself in order to make herself happy and maybe I am just a little self-centered, but I committed that act of love. I could never live that long without him again. Wait… Is that what I think it is!? Yes it is! It is a Kiwi Bird! All I have to do is take this knife and cut its foot off. Yes! I finally have it! The ingredient that should heal my husband’s powers! The powers should let us live another life! It is a miracle! I cannot believe this is happening! I must get this to the brewer and ask her to make the foot of this creature look and taste good to my loving honey.
Chapter Five: The Good, the Bad, and the Brewer
It was like the journey everyone hated to talk about, the journey to the brewer’s house in the sky. Everyone told me to be careful and to not depend on anyone on the way to her house. Even when I think that I am in need of help, I have been told not to depend on any creature that seems to be nice since most of the creatures that I will endure are going to be what they described as evil. What I realized is that when someone says evil I have to ask their definition of evil since evil is a very interesting word to be described as. What I interpreted from their descriptions of evil is that the creatures will deceive you in ways that you wouldn’t believe. Throughout the journey, I have heard that people have never come back and others have come back wishing that they were never alive, even though they were already dead while going on the journey. Then there is the “good” length of the journey where everything seems to be too good to be true. I have heard if I ate anything that I would turn from a human to stone. I have heard that most people die or fail here. I wonder if I should go. Is it safe enough for me to go? I wonder why I am contradicting myself so much… I love him… But is this love strong enough to risk this much to stay with this one person… Everything must go according to plan… or I might not be able to be with him for the rest of my life… Everything is worth it for him.
Chapter Six: The Journey
I am on my way though these dark and droopy woods… I am scared and I want to go home… Should I turn back and not get this mission accomplished? No! I must get this mission accomplished. I must pull through and do it! No matter how scared or dark these forest trees make this forest, I must go and get this accomplished. Everything must be perfect for my husband.
I got through the dark and scary woods, but now I must get by the everlasting tree and the deceiving animals. How bad could that be? Well, everything is going to be alright, but I just have to think about how much I love my husband and then everything will turn out fine.
I am starting to think this journey was a bad idea. Everything looks so real and so tempting. I am hungry and I am ready to eat something. I met a friendly horse who offered to make me a meal and I had to refuse because I was told not to trust anyone or anything… I see a tree of apples ahead, but I was told to eat nothing during this part of the journey. I was starting to see things and I started getting dizzy and wishing that I was dead… I saw my husband ahead and I ran towards him and tried to hug him, but it ended up being a tree. I kept on having these weird images of people who I know care about me, just abandoning me and leaving me to starve. I knew these images were not true since the only way that I couldn’t be in love with my dearest husband anymore was if I had fallen for someone or something else… I could have sworn that I didn’t, but in these parts who knows what will happen…
Is that light I see? Yes it is! Joyous day! I see the light that leads to the brewer’s house. Everything is going to turn out perfectly.
Chapter Seven: The Brewer’s House
I am going to head towards the light so I can go into the Brewer’s House and see what I can convince the Brewer to do for my loving husband. I have gotten to the last stage in the journey; there is no turning back now. I must try my hardest to convince the brewer to bless this foot of that Kiwi Bird and make it more delightful and appealing to my dearest husband so we can get back to our lives in the human realm and be human again.
Chapter Eight: Inside the Brewer’s House
The door was burned and everything seemed to be out of order, yet the brewer could find everything she needed to help me out. She was questioning me on why I needed such a strange ingredient and I told her that we, my husband and I, needed a way for his powers to work in the afterlife so we could be together in the human realm instead of the afterlife. Then I went on to tell her about how I killed myself to come convince him that we needed to be together. She seemed to be surprised about how much we loved each other. She mentioned that she felt our strong love even though he wasn’t here with us. Then the brewer agreed to brew the ingredient for me. She seemed like she enjoyed brewing the ingredient so much that she wanted to make the journey easier so more people could get through to her.
When she was done brewing, she mentioned that she had no charge since our love was so strong. I thought to myself that it wasn’t possible that this young woman had no charge for her wonderful services. I thought that I should do something for her in return. I decided that I would make the journey easier for people even though she didn’t ask for me to do that, I knew that once my husband had the ingredient he could fix the journey.
Chapter Nine: Ingredient
Once I reached home I decided that I needed to give my husband that ingredient right away. I rushed to make a dinner having a theme of animals. I prepared a nice, formal dinner for us with a white table cloth and a rose in the center of the table with a rose in the center of the table with a red bow around the vase that was holding the rose. I told him that he had to eat everything I gave him in order to fore fill my happiness. He loved it when I was happy, so he ate everything with no questions asked. Out of no where he started glowing and his power had returned to him. I smiled as he screamed with joy and started to wonder what he could do to repay me. I told him about the journey and how he could try to make it easier for everyone to make that journey. He agreed to make it easier for everyone. He already knew what I wanted out of it.
Chapter Ten: Magic
He finally had his powers back which made us both happy. The first thing he did was make the journey easier for everyone to enjoy and make it through. The way he made it easier was making it a scenic route with views of the human realm, which made everyone in the afterlife happy by the time they got to the Brewer’s House they were relaxed and wishing they were alive again. The second thing he did with his magic was made us both human again, which made us both extremely happy. Happiness was one thing, but how we felt about each other was a whole different thing. We were happy together, but everyone thought we were too perfect for each other and that we needed a break from each other. Of coarse we knew what it felt like to suffer without the other by our side since technically we were both dead at one point in time, but that didn’t matter, we just needed each other and that would be all that we needed. We felt like if we ever lost each other again then we would have to repeat the afterlife parts of our lives which we didn’t want to do. Once in a while I think about what would of happened if I didn’t kill myself and go after him, but I know now, since we have a child, that we both love each other dearly, and that we will live until our duties as parents are fore filled to the fullest measure.
To Be Continued In...
Life Without Him
Book 2: Isabella

Ideas of Harm or Good?

2009-03-22T13:22:00.001-07:00

Do you want to know about an idea that causes much pain and upset in the world? Perfection is just such an idea. The idea of perfection causes untold misery as countless people all over the world chase after it. Have you ever suffered because of the idea of perfection? If so then it may serve you to dive deeply into the idea of perfection and see for yourself what it really is. Through understanding of perfection you may free yourself from its illusory power over you and your happiness.
What is perfection? It’s an idea of something without any flaw. If someone has perfect skin then it must be without blemish or discoloration. If a dance routine is to be perfect then it must be performed without any mistake. If a computer program is perfect then it will never crash. It seems to me that perfection and flawlessness is the same thing. If something is perfect then it has no flaws. If there is a flaw in something then it cannot be perfect. Perfection is the lack of imperfection. That seems simple enough.
Since perfection exists only in the absence of imperfection…this begs the question: What is imperfection? Have you ever answered that question before? Take some time right now and come up with an answer for yourself. I’ll wait. Do you have an answer? Good! Keep on reading…
So, what is imperfection? Perhaps you came to the conclusion that imperfection is the lack of perfection! While that may be an accurate statement, it doesn’t get us to a clear understanding of what imperfection is. That will just lead us in circles. My take on imperfection is this: Imperfection is when something in reality doesn’t match your image of how it ought to be. In your mind you have an image of how things need to be. A flaw exists in something when it doesn’t match your image of it. Imperfection exists when your image of reality doesn’t match actual reality. Let’s look at some examples to make sure we fully understand this.
In your mind, you have an idea of perfect skin. Perhaps you learned this idea of perfect skin from television or advertisements or from observing beautiful people. Regardless of how the idea came to be in your mind, you clearly have it. Your idea of perfect skin may not match someone else’s idea of perfect skin. No matter. You still keep your idea of perfect skin and judge yourself and others based on it. When you get a zit your image of perfect skin is violated. When you get wrinkles your image of perfect skin is violated. If you didn’t have the idea of perfect skin then you’d never know when your skin was imperfect. Isn’t that obvious?
In your mind, you have an idea of the perfect person. This image of the perfect person has a lot of qualities. They never steal, lie, argue or sin. They’re always polite, kind, gentle and thoughtful. They always say the right thing at the right time. They never do anything to hurt you or anyone else. Perhaps you learned this idea of the perfect person from your religion or through the judgments of others on your behavior. Regardless of how the idea came to be in your mind, you clearly have it. Your idea of the perfect person may not match someone else’s idea of the perfect person. No matter. You still keep your idea of the perfect person and judge yourself and others based on it. When you act in a way that violates your idea of perfection then you judge yourself. When someone else acts in a way that violates your idea of perfection then you judge them. If you didn’t have the idea of the perfect person then you’d never know when you were being imperfect. Isn’t that obvious?
The fact that your ideas of perfection don’t match everyone else’s should make clear the reality of perfection. Perfection is an illusion created by belief in The Image of how things ought to be. You believe that, to be perfect, things must be a certain way. This belief exists only in your mind – in The Image. Perfection, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. What is imperfect for you will be perfect for someone else. Say that to yourself 1000 times until it sinks in.
How does all this cause suffering and pain? It does so through judgment. You judge yourself when you don’t meet your idea of perfection. You beat yourself up for your flaws. You judge others when they don’t meet your idea of perfection. You make them wrong and think negatively about them. It’s the self-torture caused by the idea of perfection that interests me the most. Most immediately is the self-torture caused by not meeting your own idea of perfection. Secondarily is the self-torture caused by not meeting someone else’s idea of perfection. Both forms of emotional torture are self-induced and based on how you see yourself in relationship to the image of perfection.
In reality there’s no such thing as imperfection. Imperfection only exists when you compare reality to an ideal state that only exists in The Image. The wonderful conclusion that comes from this observation is obvious: Perfection is all there is. When you see something that isn’t perfect, look again…it is only your judgment about it that makes it imperfect. There is nothing in reality that is imperfect. There is only your judgment about the world that causes imperfection to exist.
If you find yourself locked in self-torture because of the illusion of imperfection then remind yourself that all you must do is to see clearly. See clearly that imperfection is an illusion of The Image. All things are perfect in this moment now. It cannot be any other way. See clearly that imperfection is a lie that we’ve told ourselves and we use this lie to torture ourselves with bad feelings. The moment that you see this clearly for yourself will be the moment that you are finally free to be whoever and whatever you want to be.

Unexpected

2009-03-05T21:21:00.001-08:00

Unexpected

Beginning

"What is taking you so long?" Yoh yelped banging on the changing room door. Haruna stared at herself in the mirror. She was wearing a two-piece Assa had helped to pick out and keep a secret from Yoh. She stared somewhat self-consciousof her body and how the women in the magazine looked in it. Haruna's mind then started wandering about the girls that attended Yoh's college and how mature that were. She suddenly became depressed.

"Haruna... please come out." She heard Yoh's voice say smoothly. She opened the door and saw everyone waiting for her, staring in awe.

"A two piece?" Fumi asked staring.

"Doesn't she look gorgeous, Yoh?" Assa said clinging in Fumi's arm. Yoh stared at Haruna with a crimson face as he covered his mouth. He quickly turned away as Haruna felt a depression wash over her. Yoh hated the outfit.

"I like it." Yoh said weakly. Haruna's eyes lit up as she ran toward him. He dodged her as she missed a large hug.

"Yoh, don't be mean." Asaoka said with Mami by his side in a two piece. Yoh closed his eyes a let out a sigh. He then opened them to see Haruna draping a towel around her neck. He followed everyone toward the pull.

"Was that not fun?" Assa said happily as she opened a door to her suite. Fumi was about to walk in when Yoh caught his arm. A shiver went up his spine as he turned and saw Yoh's death glare.

"You touch my sister inappropriately, I'll cut you..." Assa interrupted the threat by putting her hands around Fumi'swaist. Yoh let go of his arm and then turned to see Haruna chatting with Mami. She turned and smiled at Yoh with her night clothing on. Nothing was going to happen to them that night. He followed her to the room and then realized that there was only one bed in room. Haruna and Yoh both stared at it dumbfounded.

"I'll sleep on the couch." Yoh said quickly getting a pillow off the bed. Haruna grabbed his arm and then tugged him towards her. She looked up at hims with pouting eyes.

"Sleep with me." She whined.

"W-what?" Yoh said in horror.

"Sleep in the same bed with me." She said forgetting the perverted comment she said earlier.

"Uh..." Yoh started.

"Please." She begged crawling into bed. Haruna looked so tempting. He nodded and then put the pillow at the very edge where he remained a minorityof the night. He laid as he heard her even breathing staring up at the ceiling. He was tempting fate. He rolled over to look at her and saw how close he was to her. She moved a little closer to him. His eyes widened as her hand wrapped around his chest. Anymore of this and he couldn't hold back. She moved closer, nuzzeling her face against his arm. Yoh had enough. He grabbed Haruna's wrist and climbed on top of her, holding both wrists about her head. Her eyes fluttered open and she gazed up at Yoh. The way he was position made he suddenly become wide awake.

"Wh-" His mouth engulfed her words before she could slip them out and before she knew it, she was kissing him aggressively. Her body tingled as his hands went to the hem of her shirt. This is it, she thought as his hands moved up her stomach. He removed her shirt and continued to kiss her. Haruna removed his shirt and they laid kissing. Haruna wiggled out of her PJ bottoms as she tugged on Yoh's. Soon, that was it.

Haruna woke up by Yoh's side completely naked. A blush crept across her face as a smile formed. She and Yoh had done it and she didn't regret it. Yoh rolled over and opened his eyes, gazing at her with his morning expression of sleepiness and happiness. He grabbed her arm and tugged her down, holding her tightly. There was a bang on the door.

"What?" Yoh yelped.

"We're going to the beach. You guys want to come?" It was Asaoka's voice. There was a few giggled and a chuckle as Yoh replied back, "Maybe later." They laid in bed like that for a moment when Haruna turned and looked at him.

"You couldn't restrain yourself." She chuckled.

"I told you... just holding your hand would have caused it to lead to this. Watching you sleep... ugh." He said covering his burgundy face. Haruna smiled and then kissed his cheek.

"That's enough for me." She giggled.

Two Weeks Later

Haruna watched Fumi and Asaoka play pinball while Yoh leaned against the machine drinking a smoothie. Assa was giggling as Fumi began to get aggressive with Asaoka by shoving him aside. Mami covered her mouth as Fumi was shoved back by Asaoka. Haruna giggled as she drank her smoothie also. She walked over to Yoh and then looked up at him smiling. Yoh looked down at her and smiled.

"What are we going to do after this?" Haruna asked. Yoh shrugged and then looked down at Haruna as she rubbed her breast from soreness.

"What are you doing?" Yoh gasped choking on his smoothie. Haruna looked up at him yawning and said, "It hurts."

"That doesn't mean rub it in public." Yoh whispered. Haruna felt a flicker of teasing roam through her as her eyebrows went up and she looked Yoh in the eyes.

"Do you want to rub them for me?" She whispered. Yoh's face became crimson as he backed away from Haruna closer to the wall.

"Chill Yoh. It just means her periods coming." Assa said looking at Yoh. Yoh gave a small smile and then yelped, "I don't want to hear about your girl issues."

"Well, you had sex with her. A period is a joyous occasion, so we should celebrate by getting pizza after this." Assa said with a smile. Yoh glared at the group and left them. Haruna covered her mouth and looked at Mami with a somewhat shocked expression.

"What?" Mami asked. Haruna looked around and then dashed toward the bathroom. She pushed open the door as Mami and Assa followed her. She reached one of the stalls and didn't have time to close it. She threw up in a toilet as Assa looked away in disgust and Mami patted her back.

"I haven't thrown up since middle school when we ran so much!" Haruna whined. Mami gave a small giggled and took her smoothie. Haruna stood up and went to the sink to fill her mouth with water.

"That's disgusting." Assa said gagging.

Yoh walked ahead of Haruna and Mami with the group. Haruna grabbed Mami's sleeve and then whispered, "It's been two weeks."

"I don't want to hear about your sex life." Mami grunted.

"No... two weeks since I was supposed to start my period." She whispered with a hiss. Mami turned and looked at Haruna and grabbed her shoulders.

"Bad... did you two use protection?" Mami whispered. Yoh turned back and looked at the girls. Mami turned and smiled at Yoh as Haruna waved. He shrugged and then kept walking.

"Protection? What's that?" Haruna asked cocking her head. Mami grabbed Haruna's arm and then ran to Yoh. She grabbed Yoh's arm and then dragged them away from the other group. They dashed to a corner store.

"What's wrong?" Yoh yelped as Haruna was shoved down one aisle. Haruna looked at all the brands as Yoh gasped and then turned away.

"No! You stay. Here." Mami said handing Haruna a pregnancy test. Haruna looked down at it in awe and wondered how it worked.

"Go to the bathroom and pee on it while I go pay for it. Yoh, wait outside the door." Mami said pointing toward the back. Yoh was still in shock at what was going on as he obediantly did as he was told.

"No..." Yoh murmured sitting outside the bathroom with his hands through his hair.

"How many times have you done it?" Mami asked sitting beside him. Yoh looked over at her with a red face.

"Yoh, I need to know." Mami said looking over at her.

"Twice." He murmured.

"Did you use protection both times?" Mami asked.

"Yeah.... no... not the first time, but..." He started when Haruna exited the bathroom. Haruna's eyes were full of tears as she wiped them away and handed the test to Mami. Mami stared down at it as Yoh leaned over and saw what it said. He jerked back and covered his face.

"Haruna, I'm too young." He said looking at Haruna. Tears filled Haruna's eyes and she dashed off.

Month 1 -

Haruna looked over at Yoh in the hospital. She felt nervous to talk to him as he kept staring down at the tiled floor waiting for their doctor to come into the room with the results. A shiver went down her spine as she dashed to the bathroom to puke. When she came back to the room, Yoh was looking at her anxiously. She wiped her mouth off and sat down beside Yoh still not saying a word.

"What will we do?" Yoh suddenly asked the question that had been pondering Haruna's mind also. Haruna sat up and looked at Yoh.

"I don't want to give this child up. I don't want to abort it because it's interfering with our lives. This is Yoh's child." I snarled. Yoh looked at me and then nodded.

"I understand too. This is Haruna's child too." Yoh murmured. Haruna grabbed his hand and looked him in the eye.

"I rather it be your child than anyone else." Haruna said sympathetically.

"I'm your boyfriend! I hope so." He said to the clueless girl he called his girlfriend. The doctor came in and exchanged looks with the two. He then sat down and let out a sigh.

"Well, Haruna, you've come to me with a lot of problems in the past; such as broken arms, legs, sprains... but never this. Haruna, you are pregnant." The doctor said staring confused at the young girl who was holding the guys hand. They both stared in shock, even though they were already expecting the answer.

"Thank you doctor." Yoh said standing up and bowing. He left the room to think. Haruna sat still for a moment and then looked at the doctor.

"He seems like a nice young man. Are you both in high school?" He asked her.

"No. Yoh's in college to become a teacher. I'm in my last year of high school. I can wait to go to college. I'm sure my parents along with Yoh's will help us along the way." Haruna smiled genuinely.

"Y-you're pregnant?" Haruna's mother somewhat gasped. Haruna nodded and looked down. Haruna's father stood up and glared down at Yoh who was trying to avoid any eye contact that might further to skin contact. Yoh scratched his head.

"What do you plan to do in the future?" Haruna's father snarled.

"I want to become a teacher. I'm nearly complete with college to become a high school English teacher." He stated.

"What were you're grades like?" He asked.

"Yoh was top of the class!" Haruna yelped.

"And yet you were dumb enough not to use protection?" Haruna's father asked hitting him on the top of his head.

"It was a spur of the moment thing... I hadn't planned." Yoh cried as Haruna's father kept beating him on the head.

"What do your parents think?" Haruna's mom asked. Yoh looked down.

"That could care less. I'm an eighteen-year old guy, nearly nineteen and that decisions are my own now. If I screw up, I can't fall back on them anymore." Yoh stated. Haruna looked at Yoh with a sympathetic look.

"Don't give me that pity look!" Yoh barked. Haruna giggled thinking about when they first met and the "beads incident". Haruna looked up at her father with a small smile and saw a pitiful expression.

"Whatever my daughter wants... but I expect a wedding before the birth of the child." He sighed. Haruna jumped up happily while Yoh sat, motionless reviewing the words he had just said in his head reptitivly. Wedding...

"Let's not tell Assa yet." Yoh said leaning against a wall contemplating people to tell and not to tell. His sister was at the top of the list with her large brother complex. He knew she would freak out if some other child came and took her spot in Yoh's heart.

"Can we tell Asasoka?" Haruna said leaning over a railing and looking down at cars. She was in her school uniform, just getting out of school and getting ready to graduate. She turned and looked at the school and then looked over at Yoh.

"None of this wouldn't have happened if you hadn't of coached me." She stated.

"It paid off." Yoh stated with a small smile. Haruna's heart fluttered and she pulled him into a big hug.

"I love you, Yoh!" She yelped.

"I know." He retorted rubbing her back. She looked up at Yoh who bent his head down and kissed her passionately on the lips.

"Look at this sight?" Someone said. Haruna turned and saw Asasoka standing hand-in-hand with Mami. Mami's eyes were glossy as her cheeks were flustered.

"Did you guys work it out?" Mami asked in a low voice.

"Work what out? Another argument?" Asasoka asked confused for the first time in his life.

"We are going to tell Asasoka." Yoh stated.

"Are you really pregnant, Haruna?" Mami nearly yelped. Haruna smiled, rested her right hand on her stomach, and nodded. Mami covered her mouth as Asasoka stared dumbfounded at Yoh who was looking away from Mami who was squealing.

"Doesn't that mean you'll have to marry her later?" Asasoka whispered.

"Shush!" Yoh barked and then walked away. Everyone watched him walk away, Haruna had a depressed look on his face thinking that he didn't want to marry her because she wasn't a suitable bride. He turned and looked at her holding his hand out with a large smile. She smiled at him and forgot her worry as she dashed to catch his hand.

"Am I the only one confused?" Asasoka asked rubbing his head.

"Yoh and Haruna are having a child together." Mami stated.

"No... he got mad when I asked him about the engagement...." Asasoka stopped and pondered his thoughts for a moment.

"A while back, Yoh was looking in a diamond store." Asasoka stated.

"Was it before the trip?" Mami asked. Asasoka nodded.

"I think I puked up my heart." Haruna said leaving Yoh's bathroom holding her stomach and chest. Yoh looked up at her and laughed. She walked over and sat on his bed. She let out a groan as she stood up and walked back to the bathroom to puke up her lungs. Yoh stood up and walked to the bathroom. He patted her back while sitting against the bathroom door that was wide open.

"This is weird, huh?" Yoh asked with a small smile on his face.

"Yeah." Haruna said wiping her mouth off with her sleeve. Yoh stood up and handed her some tea. They sat in silence for a few moments. She then looked at Yoh.

"Do you regret it?" She questioned.

"Not one bit. You're birthday's coming up. What do you want to do?" Yoh asked turning to her.

"Go to the festival." Haruna chimed.

"And we'll get dinner too." He stated to her smile. Haruna nodded.

"You're eighteen!" Haruna heard Assa squeal as she entered Yoh's house. For an odd reason, Fumi and Assa were there. Haruna held her stomach and thought about telling Fumi and Assa, hoping a blade wouldn't go through her abdomen. Yoh left the bathroom dressed nicely as Haruna's heart thumped. He was amazingly handsome.

"I love you, Yoh!" She cried.

"I know. Me too." He said walking up to her.

"Good luck Yoh!" Assa yelped. Yoh turned and glared at Assa and then Haruna grabbed Yoh's wrist.

"Let's tell them..." She whispered. Yoh's eyes widened as Haruna walked past him to tell his sister and friend that they were expecting their first child very soon.

"Assa... Fumi... I'm pregnant." Haruna said bowing.

"We already knew that! Asasoka told us." Fumi smiled.

"You're not mad, Assa?" Haruna asked with tears falling down her face.

"No! I'm always going to be more beautiful than that child." She smirked cocking her head.

"That child?" Yoh asked grinding his teeth. He grabbed Haruna's arms and walked away from them to enjoy Haruna's birthday.

"This food is really good. The festival was amazing! I don't know how my birthday could get any better. I didn't puke once!" Haruna chimed.

"Maybe the baby knows it's your birthday and that's it's birthday gift to you." Yoh chuckled. Haruna looked at Yoh with a smile.

"What?" He asked.

"You seem more animated now than you were earlier about having a child at nineteen." Haruna smiled.

"It sunk in." Yoh stated. Haruna smiled.

"You know how... we're supposed to get married..." Yoh asked rubbing his head.

"Yeah. Don't worry about that though." Haruna started.

"That's what I've been constantly worrying about. I never wanted to jump into a situation where I knew nothing about and the thought terrified me like the thought of being a young father frightened me." Yoh said quickly.

"We don't have to get married before the baby is born." Haruna said biting back tears.

"No... Haruna, I had this planned out long before we even had sex. Before the baby was even concieved. Haruna, I want to marry you. I want to jump head straight into something I know nothing about. You did. You jumped into dating me when you knew nothing about relationships. You always do and so, with that in mind, I want to ask you a simple question." Yoh stated.

"What?" Haruna asked with tears forming in her eyes.

"Will you marry me?" He said handing her a box across the table. Haruna opened the box and stared at the diamond ring. She nodded and put it on. She then stood up and kissed Yoh.

"I love you." She whispered into his ear with tears of joy.

"I love you too." He said kissing her.

Young Love

2009-02-25T12:56:00.001-08:00

WARNING: THIS MATERIAL CAN BE OFFENSIVE TO CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 18. MATURE CONTENT WARNING!
During the sports festival Asaoka had become overly friendly with Haruna. Needless to say Yoh was jealous. The sports festival has now ended and it is now the end of summer Askoka has continued to push the envelope with Haruna. When Yoh is not available he always finds a reason to walk her home he always seems to just pop up when she not with Yoh. This mystery of Asaoka’s sudden attention toward Haruna has angered Yoh.

After school Yoh asked Haruna over to his house his parents where on vacation and Asami was out on a date with Fumi. This afternoon Yoh had decided today he would show Haruna how much he loved and cared about her. It took some time for him to figure out what he would do because he is embarrassed about expressing his feelings. He wanted to take their relationship to another level he loves her and he thought it would be easier for him to show her how he felt.

The couple entered the house and Yoh spoke “Haruna we are going to watch the movie in my room.”

Haruna being dense as usual smiled and followed him to his room. She sat on his bed and got comfortable wondering what movie they where going to watch. Yoh popped in Titanic and sat next to Haruna on the bed. She looked up at him and smiled she thought ‘this is great watching a movie with Yoh.’ As the movie continued he put his arm around her shoulders and she began to lean on his chest. Haruna looked up at him and smiled again with that he leaned down and placed a chase kiss on her lips she tilted her head up and deepened the kiss.

Next thing she knew she was laying sprawled out on Yoh's bed passionately kissing him. His hand ran up her waist and pulled her shirt out of the waistband of her skirt. His hand gently caressed her back and she shivered as he left her lips and began to trail a path down her jaw line to her throat. His hand roamed underneath her shirt and he grazed her plump bosom. He would have never know how big Haruna’s breast was because she always wore baggy tops and sports bras that concealed their fullness.

Haruna was too entranced by Yoh’s ministrations to stop him. When she felt his hand graze over her breast she felt like her clothes where too tight and they needed to come off. Haruna jumped p so quickly it startled Yoh and she began to quickly remove her shirt. Yoh was shocked at her straightforward action but he was very pleased when she also took off her bra. His eyes feasted on her tanned curvy body. She blushed and covered herself as she finally realized what she had suddenly done. Yoh smiled at her sudden shyness and Pulled off his shirt and embraced her.

She began to relax as he started to kiss her neck she slowly laid back down on the bed Yoh hovered over her looking deeply into her eyes he said “I love you Haruna” with that he leaned down and kissed her passionately. Haruna was love drunk at this point completely caught up in the moment. Yoh kissed down her neck to her creamy full bosom her pert pink nipples had hardened under his gentle caress. Yoh lightly licked her nipple and Haruna gasped and arched up offering more of he body too him. Yoh lightly suckled on her left breast as he teased the right one with his left hand. His right hand traveled up her shapely leg and then he found his treasure he could feel how wet she was through her panties he moved the fabric to the side and started to part her thick folds with his nimble fingers.

Haruna jerked when she felt Yoh delved in to her moist core with his finger. Yoh’s comforting voice permeated the erotic atmosphere “We can stop if you want” Haruna looked into Yoh’s eyes and grinded her core onto his fingers. With lust filled eyes she looked up and said, “I don’t want you too stop.” They looked at each other for a brief moment and Yoh sunk his finger into her core. Haruna let out a startled yelp at the sudden invasion Yoh began to slowly pump his finger in and out of her moist core as he laved at her right breast with his tongue. Haruna arched her body and her sensual moans had Yoh painfully hard. Her hands ran across his broad shoulders as she guided his body closer to hers.

She began to feel a strange heat engulf her body it felt as though something was beginning to snap and then a explosion of euphoria over took her body. She began to shake and Yoh removed his finger for her very wet core. As she began to calm down Yoh rained light butterfly kisses all over her face. He began to slowly remove her skirt and underwear when she looked up she was completely naked. Yoh unbuckled his pants and slid of his boxers once again lying on top of Haruna, she opened her legs to accommodate him. He looked deeply in her eyes “Are you sure this is what you want” She smiled and spoke “I only want to do this with you Yoh” that was all the conformation he needed. This was a first for them both and he wanted it to be special he kissed her deeply and positioned his now throbbing member at her hot wet opening. He began to push his engorged member inside of her. Haruna tensed up and he stopped looking down at her she looked up and said “don’t stop” with that he thrust himself completely inside of her.

He held himself still fighting back the need to cum then he heard her sobbing and kissed her and whispered he loved her like a chant in her ear. After a little bit of time Haruna gave an experimental roll of her hips to get more comfortable. Yoh catching the hint that she was ready began to thrust slowly in and out of her hot tight core. Haruna began to move with him and then she began to pant “faster Yoh please.” He loved to see her beg for him “As you wish” Yoh replied as he began to thrust faster and harder in to her. Haruna’s moans where like music to his ears he knew at that moment that he would only make love with her. She was the one who had mended his broken heart and now he had claimed her and no one will take her away from him. The tight coil of passion broke again for Haruna and her core began to clamp down on Yoh’s member like a vice grip bring him to completion as well he kissed her gently and pulled out collapsed next to her. She snuggled up against him and spoke “I’m glad that my first time was with you Yoh.” Yoh looked at her lovingly “I will be your first and only.” Haruna blushed at his bold statement as he began to cover them both up with a blanket. Haruna sighed as the exhaustion of the days extracurricular activities brought her to sleep.

Yoh watched Haruna sleep for a little while and began to doze of himself embracing the woman he loves.

Later that evening Yoh came down the stairs in just a pair of sweatpants and saw Asami, Fumi and Askoka watching Saw 4. Asami looked up and smiled “where is Haruna?” Yoh calmly spoke “She is sleeping I just wanted you to call her house and ask if she could spend the night.” Asami smirked “I already did that for you big bro we saw you guys sleeping about an hour ago so I though I would call her parents to let them know I’m having a sleep over.” Yoh smiled “ Thanks Asami,” with that he headed in to the kitchen to get them some drinks he was sure she might be thirsty and he would prepare a bath for when she woke up.

Daniel Please Forgive Me

2009-02-13T17:58:00.001-08:00

Daniel -
I know that you must really hate me by now, but I just want you to tell me one thing that would make you happier.. It is the only thing that I would love to know. That's all for now..

- Lil JenJen

More On My Life

2009-02-12T23:42:00.001-08:00

Thanks to him,
I am ready to cut off my life.
He has ruined it for me.
Nothing can save me from my actions.
I am ready to die.
Just let me die already.
I honestly do not know why in the fuck I am still here...
LET ME DIE
STOP WORRYING ABOUT ME!
I WILL DIE SOON!
LET
ME
FUCKING
DIE
ALREADY!

All The Excitement

2009-02-12T08:52:00.000-08:00

Today I got an email notification saying that my poem would be published in the New York Post. I am super excited!!!

This is the biggest news that I've gotten for a while!

- Jen
PS - I am also still worried about Kelsey and Daniel. *huggles for my Kelsey*

Him

2009-02-11T18:35:00.001-08:00

I cannot get him out of my head,
Nothing is helping,
I've tried talking about him to people,
But they don't understand.
I've been crying for over 12 hours total this weekend,
I cannot stop.
He is just implanted in to my brain.
Nothing can get him out of my head.
He is just there,
He is always there for me when I need him,
He is everything to me.
He is one thing to me that I cannot leave alone.
I cannot help but to fall for him.
He is one thing but my feelings for him are another.
I love him more than a bird loves her baby.
He is an angel to me.
He is more than that,
He is God.
He is more than God to me,
He is an Angel undercover.
A God waiting for the moment to tell me that he is secretly the Lord.
He is one of the best people I know since he saved me many times.
He is not one of the best he is the best. I cannot believe that he is not with me anymore.
We will never date because it wouldn't work out. I cannot believe I am saying this.
It is like we will never meet again, In this lifetime, but maybe we will meet again.
Just not in this lifetime. Never again...
J. Straus Productions

My Times At Riverdale Grade School

2009-02-10T18:46:00.000-08:00

I took my first steps in to his room, the air was hot, and the whiteboard messy with different things to learn about on it. He seemed to be mean, but he is not. He is just strict and a magnificent teacher.
His way of teaching us is different than other teachers.
But the one thing that I will always remember was the first thing that he taught us to say in Seventh Grade “Would you like fries with that?”
That simple sentence makes me remember all of the fun times in Mr. Mandis’s room. From all the challenging tests to learning about how hippies have peace, , yogurt, love, and oneness.
Seventh grade looked like it would be as hard as stone and not as fun as Sixth grade with almost four recesses a day, having free time every Afternoon, and even our English teacher teaching us Spanish from time to time.
Even though the transition from sixth grade to seventh grade was hard, from spending up to an hour on homework to staying up all night just to finish it.
The nice part about seventh grade was the experience that I had with all of my teachers, Sra. Dawes, Mr. Chadwick, Mr. Robinson, Mrs. Leve, and last but not least Mr. Mandis. When I leave Riverdale I am going to mostly remember one teacher, Mr. Mandis because of all of the interesting things that he has taught me. All of the different ways he teaches his classes, it is more interesting than most classes I had at Riverdale. I am going to remember more about that class than any of the other classes at Riverdale. I am proud to say that I was at Riverdale and taught by Mr. Mandis.
That Room
The one place that I felt scared at the beginning of seventh grade was that room. The first few steps in that room … was that room the room of death? No… The room of… English!
In this room things are funny, hard, or even… Easy! Surprisingly something’s can be easy.
But before I leave this room… I will have memories of many things… The first day of seventh grade… The first thing he taught us to say with the rest of the class “Would you like fries with that?” I will always remember that one sentence because it brings back all of the memories of seventh grade. One thing about that room that brings back even more memories was one thing under the “To Kill A Mockingbird” poster the black mace. The first thing I noticed in that room… When I leave that room I know that I have learned many things from language that could offend someone to Cabaret. One teacher to teach it all to his students… Even if the knowledge is just non-sense to some people, but to me it is all useful and interesting.
Riverdale
The doors to the school are open waiting for the young students to fill the halls with joy and for other kids to slam the lockers.
Mrs. Biss to tell us not to run in the halls. Mr. Mandis telling us to be quiet because people are taking a test. Mr. Chadwick allowing us to listen to our I-pods during electives. Mrs. Leve allowing us to do work samples on almost anything we wish. Sra. Dawes teaching us foreign language every day. Mr. Robinson took us to Washington D.C., Philadelphia, and New York City. All of these people around Riverdale help us all by teaching us or even making us laugh. But… Sooner or later those doors will swing shut and wait for new students to enter through the doors of Riverdale.

Poem by: Betty Tobin (This poem doesn't have a title)

2009-02-09T20:52:00.000-08:00

Before I met you everything was dark

There was the world, and then there was me.

I was alone, while the world laughed and smiled.

I just sat alone, watching from the sidelines, like an unused player

I always used to think, "Those people are lucky. They have something or someone to live for. Me, I don't have anything or anyone who will love the real me."

No one knows who I really am;

I even have a mask around my parents.

I don't think that they know the real me either.

Everyone has that eternal light, that guides them through life,

I hadn't found mine; so I waited in the dark.

I waited as a child; I waited as a teen;

No one came for me; but then you found me.

Like a being of light, you held your hand out to me.

Almost as if you were saying, "What are you doing here? All alone on your own?

Come with me; I'll guide you to the light."

At first, I could not believe it; someone noticed me?

I thought I was invisible, unseen…

Yet you found me and brought me out of my shell

You held onto me and saw something worthwhile

Now I have truly been found and am wanted for me.

Now that I have met you, I have changed

Because of your love, I see everything in a different light.

When you're with me, it feels like nothing could go wrong.

I can no longer imagine life without you; without you I am nothing

You make me shine; you make me feel like I can soar.

No longer is the world cruel and dark,

No longer does it shun those who don't belong,

It's welcoming, gentle, just because you're there.

My love for you is eternal, passionate, growing ever brighter by the day.

Nothing and no one can destroy it; it stays alive because of you.

I will never stop loving you; not even on the day I die.

To Daniel Forever My Savior

2009-02-06T15:42:00.000-08:00

When Daniel is near, my heart stops. Everything is in peace. When he is gone, my heart is near death
Without Daniel I have no reason to be living
it should not be legal for me to depend on him like this but it is the way some people, including me, live
Thus stop trying to save me. For as long as Daniel Nyberg is living, I will be living. If he is dead, I wish to die. If he is dead, It will be only make me suffer. Suffering can Be good, but in this case it will be bad because I wish to die by the side of the one and only Daniel Nyberg.
He makes me so happy when he is near. My heart soars to the sky and flies back to me as if my mind is not on Earth.
As long as he is alive, I will be alive. If he dies I die. If he starts smoking I will start smoking. He is my life my savior. He is everything to me. Daniel makes me stay living. He controls me more than I control myself. He is the most amazing person I know. For all I know he could be God. If he was God I would pray to him. He is the most useful person in my life. Nothing could make me happier than Daniel Nyberg. He IS MY MIND. He controls every move I make. Every single finger I move, every breath I take Daniel is always there to make sure I am alright.

Now that he is not near me helping me,
My mind is in mad chaos. Nothing makes sense anymore. Never again will anything make sense to me unless He comes back to me.

Daniel

2009-01-31T14:04:00.000-08:00

I will always know that he will be there for me,

Helping me make it through.

He is always here for me.

Yet if something is wrong he will know.

Daniel, You make me so happy, but Kelsey makes me happier.

You are just a great friend.

If you cannot believe me and not help me through things,

Then I don't see any other reason for us to be friends.

I have been trying to stay strong.

It hasn't worked yet.

I am starting to think that I wont make it through life.

Until she came along and saved me.

It is like those stories that say that you could of saved that person from drowning but you let them drowned.

At the moment, I have Kelsey here supporting me. Being with me. Helping me, holding me, trusting me, being herself around me, and a lot more.

She will always be with me.

I won't forget you, Daniel, it just seems like you want me to be invisible and just disapear sometimes and it hurts. A lot.

So I guess this might be my good bye.

I am sorry for every single thing that I have done to you in the past, present, and future.

This hurts me so much.

Nothing could hurt me as much as you have. I find everything in my life confusing besides Kelsey.

So I chose her, she is my choice. Forever more, Kelsey.

J. Straus ProductionsCompany

Amaze Me, Kelsey, Amaze Me

2009-01-31T14:03:00.001-08:00

J. Straus Productions
There isn’t anything about you I can’t call amazing
Every part of you,
Physically
On the inside
How you act
Everything else just makes me love you more
Makes me think I can spend my life with you
Makes me want to.
I want you longer than my entire life
I want you forever
There isn’t any way in hell I deserve you
You’re too good for anyone
You’re the best
Best in the world, best ever.
If I could make a person, like take an image and thought in my head,
And turn it into a person
It wouldn’t beat you.
Anyone I wanted
I’m talking what I want, what I could imagine, it would be you.
The best I can picture
If I could have anyone, make anyone, you’re better than that
There’s no part of you that isn’t amazing.
How many people have looks that good that are that smart?
That talented?
That incredible?
I don’t understand how others miss you,
You’re like a diamond on surface level, just called an average rock,
But you are my prize gem
A priceless jewel
You make my life so good
And I want you to be there more than anything.
I could own the world, I could have everything my heart desires but you
And I’m happier now
With you.
I can be not feeling sexual towards you and you still make me feel incredible
All from talking to you.
You make me think I’m going to fly up and hit the moon
Shoot for the moon; even if you miss, you will land among the stars
Whereever I hit, I hope you’re there
And I’ll be waiting with open arms
And Ill grab you tight and wont ever-let go
Together for eternity.
In your arms, I’m happier than anywhere else
And I never want anyone else there
I love when you’re sitting right next to me, resting your head on me
I’m holding you in tightly, holding your hand, have the other one grabbing you around your extremely hot waist
Makes me feeling like nothing can pull us apart
You’re the only one who makes me want to hold on to you, to be with you, as close as possible, forever
When I hold you, I feel like nothing can pull us apart
When I look at you
I feel like I wont ever be looking at anything better.
Nothing hotter, even if I look into the sun,
Nothing more beautiful, even if I had all the art in the world right in front of me,
Nothing I want more, nothing in the world,
Nothing sexier, even if I had every guys dream (every model in the world) the mere glance of you would own it.
Looking at you reminds me how great the world is
Looking at you, shows me what true beauty is, and what the rest of the world is missing
Every time I see you, I always think of how much you mean to me, how big of a part you play in my life, and how blessed I am to have you by my side.

You remind me how much my life kicks everyone else’s ass
Just because I have you.

For me, the world isn't dark; it's light and warm, just because you exist in it
For me, the world is only a good place because you exist
When I see you, the world becomes a good place again, in my heart
It's no longer the place that drives the unwanted away; it's a world that takes you in no Matter who or what you are, never discriminating against anything again
When I know you there isn’t any way I cant discriminate against everyone else, because you’re that much better
Also, those who drive you away, or don’t want you, how stupid they are!
When I know you're here, I cannot see the bad or good in anything anymore.

When you’re here, there is no sadness, no bitterness, no hate, no dislike, no lack of trust, no poor human nature, when you walk into a room, even if I don’t know you’re there, Suddenly everyone begins acting so much better
If you didn’t exist, the world would be an awful despicable place.
If you no longer existed, I'd follow you as soon as I could; cause a world where you don't exist, isn't the place for me.
But you’re so perfect for me, that a world without you wouldn’t be a world,
It would be hell.
Hell isn't compared to losing you.
My love for you is such a powerful emotion, that there is no correct way to show it, no appropriate response, there’s nothing that there is than my love for you.

Nothing more passionate, nothing bigger, nothing as dense, nothing as light as though it Was flying, like there was too much of it in the universe, so its pushing the universe apart
I love you so much, that no words will ever describe it.

My love for you cannot be destroyed by any living thing.
My love for you is cause by how incredible you are, and is never-ending and infinite.
My mental attraction towards you cannot be described.
My physical attraction is unhealthily passionate.
My sexual attraction is never ending.
My love for you is something that cannot be explained.
My love of you in all other ways is something so abundant, it flows out of me like light from the sun.
The way I love you is the only way I could love someone that was perfect and I love you in so many ways,
For so many reasons.
You always amaze me in so many ways.
Kelsey, you are my goddess.
Everything that you do amazes me.
Thanks for everything in the world that you have done for me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
Love,
Jen

This poem was originally done by: Betty Tobin
Edited by: JenJen

Letter To Daniel Nyberg

2009-01-28T12:22:00.001-08:00

Dear Daniel -
I know that you are upset, and probably angry. Just let me speak. Not letting me go off my

"strings" won't solve anything, nor will ignoring me. Trying to get rid of me will make things

worse, by a lot. I know that I won't understand anything about you for a while, but that won't

stop me from trying. Honestly, I cannot let you go. You've helped me so much. Just LET US BE

FRIENDS. Let me help you, just as you did me. It will help if you trust someone, not me but

someone like Zeno, Ilana, or Max. They will HELP you, the WONT send you away, they will

prevent this from happening. They will HELP you Daniel. Just STOP being a stubborn ass and

let justice take place. Please let them help and they WILL NOT let people take you away from us.

Honestly, let them help and they will let them help you like Murray.

Thanks a lot for all the help and keeping me alive and well. You are the KEY for me to keep

living. Same with Kelsey and a lot of other people. Think about all of the possibilities and

awesome places that you could go, college is a small step ahead of you, Robotics Team needs

you, and even when you save people they end up depending on you. You are an awesome and

amazing person and you are one of the best people that have influenced me this year.

Hope to talk to you later if not - Bye.

Ms. Jennifer Anne Straus

For Good Wicked

2009-01-16T07:49:00.000-08:00

This is how I feel about Someone at my school.

I'm Limited

Just look at me - I'm limited

And just look at you -

You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda

So now it's up to you

(spoken) For both of us

(sung) Now it's up to you.

I've heard it said

That people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must

and we are led

to those who help us most to grow

if we let them

and we help them in return

well, i don't know if i believe that's true

but i know i'm who I am today

because i knew you.

Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes a sun

Like a stream that meets a boulder

Halfway through the wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

I have been changed for good

It well may be

That we will never meet again

In this lifetime

So let me say before we part

So much of me

Is made of what I learned from you

You'll be with me

Like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end

I know you have re=written mine

By being my friend

like a ship blown from its mooring

By a wind off the sea

Like a seed dropped by a skybird

In a distant wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air

I ask forgiveness

For the things I've done you blame me for

But then I guess we know

There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Glinda left and Elphaba right)

Like a comet pulled Like a ship blown

From orbit as it Off it's mooring

Passes a sun, like By wind off the

A stream that meets Sea, like a seed

A boulder, halfway Dropped by a

Through the wood Bird in the Wood

(Both at the same time)

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

I do believe I have been changed for the better?

(Glinda)

And because I knew you

(Elphaba)

Because I knew you

(Both)

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good.

(I am not taking credit for this song. I just love the lyrics. I do not own Wicked. If you have any requests for song lyrics Email me: jennythehyper@gmail.com)

Life

2009-01-05T16:55:00.001-08:00

I feel like this is just the beginning,
Nothing will change anything
Until life takes an unexpected turn,
A turn away from the right direction,
A twist, A meaning that isn’t supposed to happen…

Life is a waste of time,
There is no way I can get through this,
No meaning.
Life just hates me.
Anything I do just comes back to kick me in the ass later.
Nothing is right.

Everything is a mess.
No one can understand my life, my mind, my thoughts.
It is like an endless time of hate.
No one can understand me.
Not even that rose.

Let It Go (A Song without a beat but ya)

2008-12-28T21:10:00.001-08:00

I couldn't clear my head tonight so I decided to write a song about it try something new. So yeah... Here it is.
There comes times that people need to leave,
Let out of someone’s life.
Sometimes that will be hard,
Sometimes that will be easy.

Chorus: It is time to let it all go
Out of your mind
Out of your body
Out of your life.
Just let it go.

Most the time nothing seems right,
Nothing can seem to be the answer to your questions.
Nothing is going to answer anything,
Until you try to dig deeper in to your mind,
To dig out the answer
To the clues that people all around you
Will Find The Truth.

Chorus

There is always a way,
In To Life,
In to Hell,
In to Heaven,
In to the mind of a soul,
But no one can control ones mind,
Not even if you cannot just let it all go.

Chorus

Why is life so confusing?
Why are there times that no one can understand?
It is as if there is no way to let things go
In to the time and space,
Out of your mind…

Chorus

Repeat Verse Three And Fade Out With A Chorus

For A Friend... Title: This Is All For You

2008-12-23T02:56:00.000-08:00

This Is All For You

I'm thinking of words to say,

I'd like to think this was fate.

Reference to a song you love,

I can spell confusion with a single reply of "Kay"

Like a star without its strings,

I'm hanging here on these two wings.

If time could stop, how could I make this more poetic?

When there's nothing more pathetic to be said

You bring me out, show me the light,

I'm sorry if I hide, I'm too afraid to look inside.

You cary truth, and make me smile.

If it were you and me tonight,

I would tame the stars and save the brightest one for you,

For you...

If you ever had the chance,

Would you make your life seem right?

Or would you only hold it back,

The good times, the hard, and the bad.

Whatever you say is alright,

Just as long as there's no doubt.

Could you look at me in the eye

and say hopes died?

If time could stop, how could I make this more poetic?

When there's nothing more pathetic to be said

You bring me out, show me the light,

I'm sorry if I hide, I'm too afraid to look inside.

You carry truth, and make me smile.

If it were you and me tonight,

I would tame the stars and save the brightest one for you.

You bring me out; show me the light,

I'm sorry if I hide, I'm too afraid to look inside.

You carry truth, and make me smile,

If it were you and me tonight,

I would tame the stars and save the brightest one for you.

You bring me out, show me the light,

I'm sorry if I hide, I'm too afraid to look inside

You carry truth, and make me smile.

If it were you and me tonight,

I would tame the stars and save the brightest one for you,

For you.

Everything Possible Could Go Wrong

2008-12-14T14:03:00.000-08:00

Title: Niko

There are those days when someone feels like life shouldn't go on,

Why do you ask about my feelings?

Why are people questioning me?

Why are people asking me questions that do not matter to my mood?

I do not have the answer to these questions other than this:

Niko.

Everyday is like another day,

Until I found out what someone had done,

To Niko,

Why did they do this to him?

Try to kill Niko...

It is more than a crime to me,

It is a felony.

Niko was one reason why I came back,

He was the reason why I cared about the camp,

For the most part,

Niko is why I wanted to come back,

To help him through the camp life,

The life of being a camp horse.

Why would anyone do this to an animal?

Someone with a cold heart,

Who had a death wish from me.

Anyone who ever gets in the way of Niko's health,

Has to go through me.

I care for Niko more than I care for my own life.

Niko is who I live for,

People tell me he is just a horse,

But I see him as a winner,

In the winner's circle,

After the Kentucky Derby.

I always see him as a winner,

Not a loser.

Niko deserves more than this,

He deserves a better life,

He deserves Jessie,

Taking care of him,

Every hour, minute, second of his life,

No one deserves what Niko got.

A few shots to the head.

Niko Lived.

But I still want Dan

To receive his punishment,

If he doesn't,

Then I will inflict pain and misery to his life,

Make him want to be in hell.

Dan deserves nothing,

Except a life in jail.

That Rose (A Poem)

2008-12-13T21:34:00.000-08:00

I wrote this poem for class. It was my final, but it has lots of meaning to it.
There is nothing like a rose,
Any rose will not due,
It is only that rose that is good enough,
That rose is the one, the one that is the best rose for me because that rose understands me.
Why is my head spinning in circles trying to understand my feelings?

Nothing can change my feelings,
Not even the finest wine,
Only the sight of that rose will ever change my mind.
Why does that rose have to be hard to find in the morning sun?

That rose is only here when it feels like being here,
That rose is the only thing that improves my mood,
It is only that rose that will ever make me feel any emotion towards my work…
Why am I feeling like this Rose?

The rose doesn’t answer to only one name,
It answers to many.
That rose has many nicknames that people come up for it.
Why won’t that rose come to me?

No one knows why that rose won’t come to me.
Not even myself,
I will never completely understand that rose,
No one will, except that rose.

Why dare you ask?
Because that rose will fight you til’ you drop dead,
If you get that rose going,
Then you will be lucky enough to survive.
That rose will fight you like no other fight…

Why does that rose fight?
I do not have your answer,
Young child,
But if you ask that rose why…
That rose might talk with you and you might find your answer.

Dear child,
Don’t question that rose,
That rose will shoot you down,
With logic and other techniques.

That rose always gets inside of my head,
Dear child.
There is no real reason why…
Other than that rose will always stay inside of my head.

That rose will always be the most red of all roses,
Since that rose is the most red,
Everyone wants the best for that rose.
No one would want to harm that rose, unless that rose gets him or her extremely mad.

That rose is smart,
From the roots to its petals,
Never give up on that rose,
Because all that rose needs is hope and someone to look after it.

Why does that rose need hope and someone to look after it?
Child you will not understand this until later in life,
But the simple reason is,
No one can live without a little support in his or her life.

The rose will always need support,
Dear child.
Even the greatest of all Gods need support.
No one lives without a little support in life.

My dear child,
It is deathly hard to stay mad at that rose,
After a while dear child,
You will have to forgive that rose,

Since no one stays mad at that rose…
Why I may ask?
Dear child,
No one understands that rose other than that rose.

But why can’t you understand that rose?
Don’t ask my dear child,
No one will ever understand.
Even myself will never understand,
That Rose.